So far stuff has worked—fine. But this stuff, it is waves quite scattered around me and I play the traffic police as I gesture to each wave which way to go. This is valid for it has worked some, but it is also a trap, and it is unsustainable. The real solution is to move along the trends. This, it is abstract as hell, and I want momentum.
Meetups will keep happening. However, I feel that a strong shaping needs to occur. One does not shape things, but one can just decide how things will be—before they begin. Always before they begin. We have—I have to work with some maxim, otherwise it is endless spirals.
What I need is to be needed. There are already, even if a couple, music labels here. People want to be liked, and promise is extended. But stardom will never happen, and one has to work with what is at disposition. These music labels, I don't know them well. The idea goes that they deal with finding venues in where their artists will play, if to start a following or to get some earnings. The latter I extremely doubt—even a punk rocker isn't that imbecile. But they offer the artist a infrastructure, a path, “sign and let us tell you what to do”, they kill ambiguity, they become Oracle in almost every way, “oh, music label, what now?”, and then every thing they are told they rationalize with “our music label said it”, it is their narrative compass. Well these music labels all they need to know is a handful of people: someone who owns a minute place, someone who knows how to share a link, and if they are fairly advanced someone who prints vinyl and cassette, which really shows you how useless they are, who buys those things, why, what kind of fan, but at least it indicates some level of recognition, but more likely it is just another phantom selling point, “lo, we'll make you a vinyl”, and people don't protest “why in the world” they just say “cool, that's so cool”. Music labels are people who know people and that's the end of it. To befriend, how hard is it? Ah, one needs to be around, all around probably, not hard, not hard at all. It really just takes constancy, to show up on every important day, play on the micro festivals in your genre, until people become familiar, “yea that band, of course”, until you become furniture. It ain't hard, but people like to make things hard, “we need x then y then” and the whole alphabet twenty seven hundred times follows, an endless iteration fueled by stupidity that never ever ends.
I will make my zine. It may take more than a month. Classes are about to start, and if I take one day or one afternoon a week for it, I could even do it in little more than a month. Then share it. Maybe ask for a few collabs. All these ideas I've already had them. What I need is movement but I don't want to steer the waves, I instead need people bleeding, actually bleeding. Bleeding loneliness like crazy, or misunderstanding, god I fucking hate a handful of persons I have known and that are so in love with perpetual stasis. I really hope time falls on them like heavy rain and wears them off and so they realize that I am the path, I am the path in some valid degree. More precise: I am the one who sees the path. Who points at it and who understands a fair degree of it. People when they don't see the “A product by Meta” they yell in agony, “what is this, what scam, who is following me, where are your credentials, where are your credentials, this hasn't worked for the long five seconds we've been talking hence you're a con”, they are deceived beyond recognition, it is useless to deal with them. They want to be punched so they can claim validity to their stupidity, but they are not worth a punch. I come again to what kind of loneliness I need. Maybe some really shady individuals would make a good team. International students, they experience loneliness and unfittedness but not much that it makes them want to orbit my plans strong enough, because they have money and they can buy a McDonald's if they are sad, or play video games if they are sad, or just masturbate if they are sad. It really is sad. I can do these things too but I don't do them, certainly not on a spree like they do. But finding individuals in _ is the wrong approach. Did you know Jeffrey found his wealthy sponsor when he was a teacher—a teacher!—in a not so random but rather elite high school? Still elite, still worth something, but he didn't apply for President of the State or for Director of that school, he applied for the most basic position that was still respectable: a math teacher. I need to apply for a basic position. I don't need to run for President of the State. I don't need to apply for Director of a school. Those are bets. The thing is without a winning bet I am at stage one and that is just wrong. You need a baseline and you scale from there. I need to be the math teacher in a music social scene, or related field of my interest. Which is the most basic yet respectable position, in the hierarchy of things I want?
A music producer perhaps. “Everybody is a music producer”. Everybody is a music producer. But maybe, just maybe that's the point, a start, the basic line, “I do what everyone does, just like that old lard Jeffrey Edward once did.” Baseline is baseline.
